Today I cried like a child in his shoulders. I didn't have the strengh to make the right thing. again. Several minutes of talking and the saddest silence ever. I chose to suffer later, because now I really need him. I can't say goodbye to this feeling inside of me. And in our tears I've found out that I can fall more, and the stupidest is that I chose this fall once again. I can't help feeling this pain in my breast but the idea of losing everything that I dreamed to us is unbareable. I did end our relationship, we discussed about how we wanted to be friends from each other stuffs like that.. but the pain was too much, the hole was to deep, so I went against all rational resolutions and we made it up. And here I am, with this sadness in my eyes, fearing the consequences and praying to everthing end up right. Masoquist han?

"I confess.." ahahhahahah this is always interesting when you're with your friends in a bar. You won't scape from the red faces and inconvinient silence right inyour turn ahhahaha.
But more than knowing other's secrets or admiting your sins, the coolest thing is to realize that you are more normal than you think and you don't have to be afraid... we are all scared ninety percent of the time with our doubts, our desires..
So I recommend you: don't have so many secrets.. open yourself to people you trust, but first, you have to learn trusting. It's not easy in the beggining, but with time and the right friends, you will get used to it. Sharing. This is the key word to feel a little lighter and much more complete.

21:24- Your sister is looking at you with your mother's eyes, while you're talking with her bestfriend in codes. Then she says" two things: you're wearing your clothes in a wrong way and you have lipstick on your tooth" UFFFFFFFFFFFFFF And they call ME slow hahahhahha

20:53- And no one can get this sexy so fast ahhahahahha just kidding.. I didn' dry my hair, didn't make an awsome make up.. but I so comfortable with the way I look right know^^ It took me 19 years, but finally I found myself when talking about style

19:03: hahahahah it is soooo cool to talk in codes with the family.... later I'll explain ahhahaha meanwhile, I got a feeling that tonight is gonna be a good night ahahahha because I will be with my girlfriends and lots of talking. And guess what is going to be the main subject ahahha I predict a laughstorm comming hahahah

18:46 You know.. sometimes I can't help feeling sad.. it's such a big hole in my breast... and the ironic is that yesterday I was begging to hang out, drink a beer.. but today, when I have a place to go, I don't feel like going... shit shit shit..
But it's okay, I'll put nice clothes on, makeup, and stuff like that.. I'm sure I'll get better.. common it's Saturday night, I think I deserve it! ;)

09:42: Little stop- nature calling XD I dont't know why I'm thinking about my father this much, but I am, so let's writte down:
When you watch a movie with my father, you certainly will go under these situations:
* laugh with him if it's a commedy ' cause for him everything is funny, for me loud and long laugh that is.
*Embarasemment if it is a sex scene.But I think it's normal I guess. Who likes to see a couple having fun with your father beside you?
*patience exercises- The thing is that the most part of my father's English knowledge came from selfstudy, so he can read everything, but pronouce.. well.. it's a little more complicated. But he likes trying,( and that's waht matters right kids? xD), so when he hears a cool word in a movie( and by cool you take 'soap opera', 'kidnap','therefore','nowadays'...), he repeats it. In case it's a phrasal verb which he understands in the context, he makes sure everyone in the room gets it too xD And when the subscript is different from what is being das?!?! What a criiime!!! hahahhahah Patience honey, patience

paper to screen

09:27- I'm in a such good mood that I am recalling funny scenes from the moveis I saw this week. Yes, I'm still doing the dishes ahahha Oh I wanna write down one of the images in my head at this moment:
Hommer Simpson and his pig among the population of Sprigfield. Men are looking for the guilty person( of course it's Hommer xD)and he says to his pig "Act naturally" and then the pig BARKS ahahahahhahahahahahha Even now I'm laughing. By the way, you should watch a commedy with my father...you will laugh whether the movei is funny or not. xD

From the paper to the screen

o8:59- Moooorning! Why did I said that? This isn't twitter remember?? Whatever..Here I am, staring these giant dishes.. and the thing is I'm kind in the mood of washing them. What? Dishes? Before 10 am?? Am I crazy or what?? You see I went to bed at 3:30am, it took me a while to fall sleep, later I heard the entire chat during my parentes' breakfast and here I am- in a good mood. This is odd, but okay.. what isn't odd nowadays?

03:24- That's it. The night really surprised me and I actually had more fun than I had supposed I would. But my body is asking for my bed, no, he is begging for it.
I really enjoyed this new blog and all this non sense involving it. I intend to continue, so I'll come back soon. I can't help wondering how will my dreams will be like. As a matter of fact, I'd like that dense and empty blackdream. And tomorrow? Tomorrow I have one purppose, only one: smile.Truthly and completly.

03:01 still in class ahahahahha

02:12 and sex here we go again ahuahuhuahuahuahua Why? Why we always talk about it? And die to laugh of course ahahahha
Hey, I said this night would be interesting

01:11- I've just googled " spaghetti sculpture" hahahahaha can it be more useless?? I'm afraid it can ahahha After all, the night has just begun( that's always a lie, but okay). Here's a thought: how was the world before Google?? Because, I really don't recall the very first instant' www . google.com' and yet it's so completly necessary for my life, I mean, it's one of the basics human needs, isn't it? Despiste this blackout, I do remember the confusion about how to pronounce it "gógle? gugle? guugouu!" And what does it even mean? Can my grandma pronounce it? Can she live without it? Well, she can, sure. But think about it: she isn't aware of Googles wonders :O!!! How come??
Ok, personal note: after one middlenight point you really need to stop asking. It's serious.

00:28 Ok, the internet can't stop seducing me, it's against its function. I'm listening to Beatles, as usual (the more I listen to it, the more I love it), and here is a thought that I should write down: all the lullabies that I'll sing to my Mohammed (that's how a friend of mine calls my future baby, yet my sister, who had dreammed about him, calls my son Thiago, well they're both wrong ahaha how much especulation han xD) where was I? Beatles, right. Yeah, I ´ll sing their songs for my baby from the moment I begin to raise a watermelon inside me. Common, imagine if all babies come to the world with this orientation?!?! Love and peace for suuuuuuuure hahahaha
And meanwhile, sex. At least, talking about it.. isn't funny how all conversations end in sex? The world keeps spining, the rocks keep rolling and the sex talk keeps coming. The funniest is that we are all virgin. Well, not everyone, and not completly... ahhaha but ok.. this isn't a subject for a blog wich your father happens to read right? Love you daddy( and no, I didn't drink your Vodka xD)

23:48- great movie yessss
But what now? My bed seems sooo inviting. Yes, I would prefer if he were there, but it's okay. Well it isn't, not all. Yet it is partially empty, the dream's world is so charming right now...
If Internet can't seduce me anymore, I'll have perfect meetings, the hotest kisses, the funniest moments in my bed very soon.

22:37-And of course, if you don't have anything to do, I recommend a movie. In my case I'm watching one that I have already watched, but it's funny and cute, and I'm in the mood of a love commedy XD

21:52
well I wanna thank the person who intrudeced me psy ahahhahaha you may have your place in heaven (or in hell in case you wanna have some fun) ahhaha

listen to: Mafia-Psycho Killer


Well, remember the not-existent boyfriend? He's aliiiive ^^ and cute as he always is after he disappears.. how can I be so vunerable?!? Oh, it doesn't matter now, I miss him very much, but I won't cry for him, not now, I have a challenge remember?
I've just listened my friend singing.. and man, she should be in a bar ahah making money and enjoying the life. Actually, we all should be.. what's the point of so maaaany hours studying? Sooner or later, we are all dead. So, yes, we should be in a bar.

21:25
no more Rappa, now I'm drunk with psytrance.. and honey, if you really feel the vibe you wont't need any man, or any finger to be free like this.
My friend, doc FG is flowing with me, and I'm sure we are sharing the same crazy sensation.

Ok, The real reason why I created this blog is because here I will write anythinhg about everyone and every single stupid thought I have- including my old and little-used-English. Mistakes? Plenty of them, but honestly I don't care. If you happen to read this and almost trow up with my ignorance, well, you can correct me, you can knock me down, don't worry, you won't hurt my feelings.
Right now I am trying to have fun with myself. Not that way you jerk, well, at least not now xD See, no car, no boyfriend( although I have the impression that I do have one, I don't see any guy here with me, if you know what I mean), so I'll spend another Friday night at home. Yupi. That's why I made myself a challenge: have fun! Just like that. And so far I have enjoyed writing theses lines, listen to Rappa, reading blogs, talking shit on msn. I'm only sorry I don't have a glass of wine here. But that's ok, we will always have our good friend Vodka, to cheer our loneliness up XD
So that´s it. I am justifying my reasons to myself(pathetic no?) and if you, stranger, are reading this, well, don't be scared: if you take a deeper look, you will realize we are all possible suicidals.